Paris with kids | popping the cork on our European vacation

We spent a lot of time researching study abroad programs, and a dear friend said that her step-daughter had a great experience with the one at the top of my list: EF, or Education First. So we signed Daughty up for a 7-week course in Saint Raphael, where we would drop her off after spending a week and a half driving the whole of France with her, meeting extended family of mine who had never left France like my grandfather had. The other half of our trip would take the rest of us to Italy, Austria, and Bavarian Germany, if only as a 4-top.

We stayed at Hotel du Cadran. With a superb location walking distance to the Eiffel Tower and Musee Rodin, we had a large suite with a kids’ room upstairs – which is hard to find in Paris when you have three or more kids.

Incredible breakfast included. The Eiffel Tower murals make you feel like you’re picnicking under the real deal, if you have any measure of imagination.

Here are the things we did in Paris, with our decisions based almost 100% on showing our 10-, 12-, and 14-year-olds either authentic Paris (Metro travel, cafe culture, and watching the World Cup on public TVs) or the weird and unusual. In three days we visited:

• Cafes, blah blah blah
• Eiffel Tower
• Fragonard Perfume Museum
• Shopping the Opera District
• Museum of Hunting + Nature
• Sacre Coeur 
• Montmartre artists
• Fragonard Veterinary Museum (not at all related to the perfume museum! Although technically there is taxidermy in both)
• Super-mini Statue of Liberty, too tiny even for a proper link
• Moulin Rouge 

The cafe culture, as I would call it, is so chic. The photo above was taken around 9pm at night (summer lights) which is when all the Frenchies eat their dinner. Everyone dressed impeccably. Everyone! We saw an older gentleman who had clearly just come out of some kind of eye surgery (judging from the giant puffy white pirate bandages over one eye). Nonetheless, he was suited up in a tweed dinner coat with leather patches on the elbows and a cravat. PLEASE!

What do you want me to say about the food? You know it was amazing.

Within two days I had four meals containing escargots. Before you tell me how gross you think that is, remember that it’s like if you were to go to Donutland and failed to smash donut after donut into your face, which we know would never happen.

I won’t be in Paris and have a day go by without escargot, and that’s all there is to it.

There are other things to eat too, and we tried to be decent and exercise some measure of self-control. What do you want me to do: eat cream puffs one minute and then smoked salmon the very next? I might have.

So we’re not big soccer fans, but it just so happened that the World Cup was in full swing for the duration of our trip. We started watching France play while in Paris, and there’s nothing quite like watching France play in a packed cafe in Paris… nothing, maybe, except watching the US play in a packed American bar, sure. But you get the idea! 

We did get to know who all the players on Team France were from watching matches, which was necessary since our US “soccer moms” totally dropped the ball (yes) on preparing the American team for world competition.

Eiffel Tower.

We lounged around the Eiffel Tower grounds since I was too lazy to properly buy tickets to the top in advance. It turns out I’m not really a “wait in line” kind of person. Click on that Eiffel Tower link if you want to have it all and go up without waiting in the lines.

One of our kids rode a donkey around the park. I was kind of jealous, but it was clear that adults were not allowed up on these things.

Fragonard Perfume Museum.

I love French perfume so a visit to the Fragonard Perfume Museum was non-negotiable in my world. Everyone else in the family bailed on this but me, so I wandered around taking pictures and notes and trying to figure out what the tour guide was saying in Franglish.

I’m pretty fluent in Franglish actually, so I can tell you that in the clip below, this lady is explaining that the perfume we are smelling is “a bit of an Italian perfume” because it contains tangerine and bergamot. 

Below is some kind of steampunk machine, not sure why it would be here.

No! This is actually complicated perfume machinery, where you pipe in flowers or musk oils or animals and this thing steams them or something, compacting their essence down into tiny parts that you can fit into a lovely little bottle. It’s like something out of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but instead of turning you into a giant blueberry or a bad nut, it turns flowers and musk into smells that you can slather onto your skin.

Oh my God in this clip below, I think she’s saying that they put these civet cats into a big machine to get their smell out? Don’t read about the details of civet musk in the raw because it sounds grody. But I guess in perfumes they smell amazing.

Believe it or not, some of the knowledge of how perfume is made will seep into your head somewhere along this tour. As long as you understand your guide’s hand gestures or can make up a plausible story for each of the displays you are looking at. For instance below, you see actual jars containing human body parts and herbs which go into some of our favorite perfumes. Don’t look too closely!

Shopping the Opera District.

Next we went shopping in the Opera District. It’s beautiful and full of everything from luxury jewelry to department stores to charming boutiques to hucksters trying to swindle you out of your money.

This place not only sold delicate lace tutus and silken toe shoes for ballerinas, but also gorgeous handbags and chic adult clothes.

My kids got nothing here, but I did.

There were hallways of boutiques, just one after the other. If you really fancy shopping, maybe ditch the kids, because having to say “No” repeatedly is really distracting.

The Museum of Hunting + Nature.

One of my favorite Parisian museums turned out to be the Museum of Hunting + Nature. If you love animals, you will spend hours here pouring over the long and complicated relationship humans have shared with our terrestrial friends, which have served as game, predator, and hunting partner all at once. 

You will appreciate how the French celebrate animals, at least if you have a healthy perspective on the meat you eat (and don’t tell me that you don’t eat meat unless you are my one vegan friend!)

I love the maximalism of throwing as many paintings up as humanly possible up on the wall at one time. I wish I could say I haven’t done this in our current dining room, but I actually have. Some tastemaker somewhere is totally cringing right now.

There is also a great representation of the weaponry used to hunt game over history. Glass enclosures keep your mits off these beautiful artifacts.

And who isn’t fascinated by the sport of falconry? Only a fool. This is the sport of kings!

It is also the sport of a very small and possibly anti-social segment of the population who tend to be a little odd. But maybe that’s also what people also say about beekeepers so let’s just move on…

This museum is all art, history, taxidermy and guns. If none of those appeal to you, then I’m not sure what else you want. Except maybe free food, and you should know better than that.

Sacre Coeur.

Next was the most exciting moment of our trip: meeting our French and British relatives for the first time in person! We decided to meet at the Sacre Coeur.

We are atheist and it turns out that our relatives are not religious either, but that does nothing to take away from the beauty of this newish church (relatively speaking – it opened in 1914, kind of on the brink of some terrible times what with WW1 and Spanish Flu about to hit in 1918).

It is stunning! And there is fun to be had on the funicular ride up as well as with the “living statues” outside.

Little-known fact: gargoyles were the “enforcers” of belief back in the day. They didn’t need to do much other than just be there in their menacing pose. It was enough to give people pause, perhaps, if they started asking too many logical questions.

Montmartre.

Next we went to Montmartre. You know, famous for artists and riff-raff. While we all caught up on each others’ lives, our sweet daughters sat for their portrait to be sketched.

Don’t judge me for doing the artist a favor and letting my boy opt out of sitting for this portrait! What’s worse than having to sketch a grumpy kid who doesn’t want to sit for a portrait? Only having to keep the portrait ruined by said grumpy boy, who would likely be scowling in it.

Also, don’t take the artist’s stern look too seriously. Some people have RBF and they are perfectly nice people, like this gentleman was. He was also incredibly talented, wouldn’t you say?

Now this guy scraped at this painting for awhile like he was actually painting it, but I can’t be sure he didn’t just sit in front of it with a dry tool just pretending. I can’t say with any certainty that he actually painted these, and neither can you. Boy if he didn’t, that would make him quite the charlatan! 

I wish you could’ve advised me as to whether this was a good deal or not, but sadly you wouldn’t have known, just like my old man.

Next we all had lunch at Le Moulin de la Galette. That translates to “The Moulin de la Galette.” You think I’m kidding but I’m not! 

We had the most lovely lunch there. My cousins Marc, Isabelle, and Corinne all have grandfathers who were brothers of my grandfather. Isabelle and Corinne are sisters, and their grandfather – together with my grandfather and Marc’s grandfather – were all three brothers within two years of each other.

Isn’t genetics funny? I feel like there is such an obvious resemblance among us all.

So that trio of our grandfathers were quite characters it turns out, and had interesting life stories and lots of children. Certainly, there was scandal as well.

I’ll bet you’d love to hear the scandals. You are such a shameless gossip.

Below, Marc shows us all our family tree, and is showing us all of our relatives.

I took this opportunity to have our kids try escargot. This teenager was weirdly suspect of what I would call a delicious treat.

She seemed much more pleased with the beef tartare. What culinary adventures!

After lunch we had a nice walk around Montmartre, where we ran into some French bulldogs who were adorable. Mostly lazy and accommodating actually, but the kids proclaimed them adorable so there we are.

Window shopping was amazing, with row upon row of macarons. How do they get the “feet” so perfect? Don’t actually tell me because I don’t think your advice will work.

Ooh la la – treasures of the ocean! I could eat them all and then string the shells together into a necklace and wear it. Or rather, have them all strung together by someone who is good at stringing shells together in a sturdy yet lovely way.

We all went to get gelato. 

Delicieux! Totally goes down easier than escargots, I guess.

Fragonard Veterinary Museum.

The ladies headed back to their homes in Normandy while Marc accompanied us to our next destination, which is also not for the squeamish: The Fragonard Veterinary Museum.

The Fragonard is home to the Flayed Man (and horse). Monsieur Fragonard perfected the art of preserving a body with resins and other materials, allowing the observer to see inside the body itself, still completely preserved. His masterpieces are known as écorchés, or “flayed figures.”

There are other “curiousity cabinets” as well. The child in all of us wonders at the inner workings of animals!

Shark jaws are just fascinating. Just imagine all the flesh torn apart by these? Well don’t really. Maybe instead, imagine the big shark these jaws were attached to, and where it lived, and who its friends were. 

Our middle daughter is obsessed with horses and was amazed to see how the muscles and bones manage to support these mightly animals. I feel like they underplayed how powerful their mean kicking muscles are here.

I loved all the sea creatures.

I’m also 100% obsessed with the birds. Don’t judge the older exhibits if they show their age. Taxidermy may seem like magic but it’s not! It’s still subject to the laws of science, and simple wear and tear.

It is actually black magic which makes animals live forever. Kidding!

There are some truly macabre curiosities. But then again, how else are you going to understand the concept of heartburn if not through a cat’s little stomach?

I don’t know if mice give cats heartburn but I would guess so. Just the idea of a mouse crawling around in this thing makes my stomach churn.

Overall, this is the kind of museum that curious kids will enjoy. You, not so much. Me, totally.

Tiny Statue of Liberty.

We also happened upon a super tiny Statue of Liberty. I guess we embarrassed America when we jumped up on the bronze area the statue is mounted to, and I imagine that the security guy who stops that behavior is just constantly telling people to get off that lower step. I mean it just begs to be stepped up on! It’s about 4 inches off the ground.

Only our son came away with his dignity intact after refusing to do the Statue of Liberty Pose.

Do I miss my old strap-hanging days? Not really. It always felt like a perpetual game of Musical Chairs without the music. I’m very competitive when it comes to finding a seat on the subway (Metro here). 

Daughty’s reflection in some artwork. Am I also not an artist here? These photos don’t compose themselves, you know.

Moulin Rouge.

I thought that seeing the Moulin Rouge would be iconic and entertaining, but was as if Cirque du Soleil and a bad strip club had a baby. Only about a third of it was Cirque quality, and at an hour-and-a-half long, it was about an hour too long in my opinion. I cannot recommend it.

I know it sounds vaguely intriguing, but seek out something better for your burlesque! You will thank me later.

Now back to the streets. What’s that wonderful saying? “Nothing haunts us like the thing we didn’t buy?” I have major regrets about not purchasing this mask. 

I love flower boxes, building art, and beer kegs, not necessarily in that order. The businesses in Paris manage to combine all three.

Alert: There are these strange, colorful carousels everywhere, and they are almost always closed.

Why are they completely enclosed in glass? I feel like this is the start of some horror movie.

And so ends our three days in Paris. 

Thanks for looking, and stay turned for our next stop: Normandy! 

xoxo